Harsh damning words of blame brought stinging tears to my eyes. The blood rushed out of my stomach and my knees felt weak. I was paralyzed by the intensity of the condemnation. Oddly, the verbal attack was not being spoken by someone else - this voice of self-blame and shame was inside.

The precipitating event was the decision to end my 10-year
marriage and "break up the family." I had dreaded for months
disapproval and judgment from well-meaning family and friends. No one could be harder on me in that moment than myself. So this is what I've been avoiding all along, I realized. No wonder I'm so afraid to take the step.

A short time later I began an intensive healing program that
focused on self-acceptance and self-forgiveness to release past hurt, blame, pain and guilt.

The course facilitators suggested that I was my own judge, jury
and punisher and the cause of much of my unhappiness.

This was a defining moment. Suddenly, I could no longer blame
anyone outside of me. My inner judge was the cause of my pain; the choice was to liberate myself from this self-imposed 'hell'. The key, I discovered, was getting out of my head and opening my heart.

STEP ONE: Self-acceptance, opposite of self-condemnation, invites an inner voice of compassion to replace negative self-talk. "When we accept a negative voice, we admit that it exists. Admitting that I am judging (for instance) is a way of
owning this part of me, and in owning it I take responsibility
for everything pertaining to it. 

STEP TWO: Choosing to forgive myself.
"Forgiving engages the heart. Self-forgiveness gives the hurt
parts what they need- loving pardon for the judgments. In the
process, we cease self-loathing and stop blaming and punishing ourselves. This release is a deeply loving act resulting in a vibrant sense of connectedness and inner peace.

Loving is more than a feeling; it is an action arising from the
awakened heart. Stirred from its slumber, the heart sets in
motion an awareness that we are loving beings. This heart activity gives birth to self-esteem and in turn ignites respect from others."

Practicing step one and step two set me on the road to
happiness. I repeated this one-two dance when judgment
appeared and realized how much of my well-being was my
choice.

Do I choose the law of self-retribution and face my self-righteous sentencing, or do I choose the grace of acceptance, forgiveness and compassion?

The more I made this loving choice the boundaries of my
compassion overflowed into the long ago buried and discarded
pieces of my painful past. Trash became treasure as I began to
see the blessings in each unfortunate event.

The rest is alchemy. Like the ancient wizards who sought to
transmute base metals into gold, we apply an elixir and watch as nature takes its course. This elixir is loving, and when
we apply it to a wound through self-acceptance and self-forgiveness,  we reinvigorate our original experience of
wholeness. Past, present, and future are then sanctified and we
become, at heart, reborn."

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Rebecca Skeele is the author of You Can Make It Heaven: How to Enrich Your Life with Abundance and Loving. Life Coach and
counselor for 13 years helping people become masterful at
cocreating their personal heavens. FREE On-line Ezine: Make It Heaven 10 Week Teleclass Beginning June 9 - Repair the Relationship with Yourself...Make Life Work.
WEB: http://www.youcanmakeitheaven.com
Email: rbskeele@nm.net
PH: 505 577-3573