I have counseled individuals, couples, families and business
partners for the past 35 years and authored eight published
books. All this experience has resulted in the development of a
profound six-step healing process, called Inner Bonding, which
anyone can learn and use throughout the day (FREE course
available - see resource box).

The violence in Littleton, Colorado sparked many discussions
regarding the cause of such horrifying behavior on the part of two teenage boys. I would like to address this in terms on Inner
Bonding.

In my experience, it is not possible for us as human beings to be violent when we are connected to our true, core Self and to a
source of spiritual guidance. When we do the work we need to
do to develop a spiritually connected loving adult self, we have
an inner adult who places limits on our behavior regarding
harming ourselves and others.

However, it is very common in our society for people to lose
touch with their true, core Self. Since our core Self holds our
intrinsic feelings of compassion and empathy for others, losing
touch with this aspect of ourselves may cause us to be able to
harm others without feeling any pain or remorse over it. The
question is, then, how do we lose our connection with our core
Selves?

Many child development experts state that those people who
disconnect from their empathy and compassion, generally do so between the ages of two and four. If our parents lacked empathy and compassion for our feelings and needs, we might have chosen to be caretakers and take care of their needs, or we might have chosen to become like them and not care about
others' feelings and needs. We may have had no role modeling
for maintaining our own inner connection. If our parents shut
themselves down to our pain and their own, we may have
learned to shut down to our own and others vulnerable feelings.
If, in addition, we were physically, sexually, emotionally or verbally abused or neglected, we may have shut down to survive.

Some children, whose parents were shut down or abusive,
manage to stay connected with their core Selves through contact with animals such as dogs or horses, while others stay
connected through contact with relatives or friends with whom
they identify. But many young children just disconnect to survive.
When in this disconnected state, if they watch violence on TV or
practice violence through video games, they may further train
themselves to numb out against compassion, empathy, and the
pain of harming others.

Likewise, if children grow up with no personal connection with a
source of spiritual guidance, they may not know that we are all
one, and they may not consider the possibility that the
consequences of their actions may follow them into their lives
after death.

Without connection with their core Self and their spiritual
guidance, they are left with only their wounded selves. If they
happen to be operating from an enraged wounded self, this self
can certainly act out in angry and violent ways. With no loving
inner Adult to set limits, the harm to themselves or others can be disastrous, as we have seen.

While limiting guns is certainly a good thing to do, it will not stop
the violence. This violence will not stop until we no longer need
to learn, as very young children, to barricade our hearts. As
parents and teachers we need to be practicing a healing
process such as Inner Bonding so that we can reclaim our core
Selves and our deep connection with God. Only by doing our own inner work will we be able to be the loving role models that our children need. The change in our society must come from within each of us.

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Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of
eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?", "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By My Kids?", "Healing Your Aloneness","Inner Bonding", and "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God?" Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com